Just a Girl and Her Laptop

Rise of a Silent Hellion

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I don’t get it.

Why exactly long distance relationships have to suck soo fucking much.

I’m sorry we have nothing todo to spend time together anymore but yes after months and hours of Netflix and MMORPS I’m a bit burned out those things.

I’m sorry that you have to work nights and get there just as I’m starting to feel tired.

I’m sorry that I get jealous and when I hear you talking to someone else at 2am I don’t instinctively think “oh must be one of his friends he’s talking to while trying to play a game”

Also I don’t get the point of staying on the phone with me all night while I’m sleeping if I was upset before and you’re going to play your games loudly after. I just don’t get it.

But I love you. More than the water in the oceans and the air in the atmosphere. I love you more than all the stars in the sky and all the possible galaxies and universes and alternate galaxies and universes. I don’t always get you and your reasoning. But I do love you and I know you love me.

I just wish I could complicate things a little less.

Filed under personal feels love truth I'm crazy out my mind mmorpg netflix

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Bored out of my wits and I’m just not quite sure how to fix this little problem of mine. I have a list of things I can do that’s a mile long and I feel I’ve gotten about halfway through it and I’m still bored.

The four walls that form this house form a never ending maze of boring and the moment I can take a step outside it is only to let me self begin a boring journey to one of my two boring jobs in this boring town.

The tumbleweeds in this town have more adventured than I do.

Filed under boring personal it's my life

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I am myself.

Self. I am a book on a shelf

a kid in a classroom

dirty glasses behind a glowing screen in the night

I am myself

Self. I am the voice of reason

I am the crazed neighbor

I am myself

and i am stooooned high as a kite in the late late night…sky.

I am a brain full of words and an empty sheet of lined paper.


I am a chauffeur, of sorts. I drive thoughts from here to there.

With mop and a broom I clean up the messes…sometimes even the messes of the mind.

I am a camera capturing images that won’t ever be developed

A lost child who knows no better than any of you.

I am a daughter, sister, lover, confidant, home girl, pal and the girl who just sat over there…but above all of these.

I am myself.
And I don’t have to explain shit about myself to you.

Filed under self realization the simple things classroom kid voice of reason thoughts emotions we try and sometimes we fail we cannot always help those close to us maybe i'm just rambling shut up crazy images I am myself.

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February 26th, 2014

I just had, probably one of the most important conversations I have ever had with my mum just now.

Let me catch you up… As you know I was planning on moving at the end of the year. Then my boyfriend, my wonderful wonderful boyfriend, said he wouldn’t mind moving with me which really got me thinking. I have been thinking and thinking since he said this. Since the beginning of my thinking he has gone home and mentioned that he wants to start looking for a job here in California…

That’s some scary shite bro. Scarier, my mum said he could live here.

Then I though some more, and thought again. Then this morning my brain exploded with those reruns of thousands of conversations Arkansas and I have had both reassuring me and making me have doubts about moving in with him (This is starting to sound dramatic it must be getting good).

Just when I was starting to feel my brains dribble out my ears I knocked on my mums door. (OoOoOoOoOoHhHhHhHh!!!)

Now I don’t usually go to her about much but today I just felt as if she might be able to help. I started spilling my guts about all my concerns and hashed out all my scrambled thought. She responded to every one of my makeshift sentences with beautifully worded strings of poetry.

Long story short, I love Arkansas far more than I thought I was capable of and I have no doubts that he loves me as well. We have a good amount of wits about our relationship and can always fully resolve any issues that arise. Even so, we are both human and still have a lot to learn about each other and about life so we need to keep our toes on the ground and tread carefully.

Our moving in together in a new state with no assurance of work or housing and cars that are nearly within deaths grasp is not exactly the smartest move.

But if I can save and get my car at the end of this year, then spend another year saving for the move I would be in much better shape. And since he suggested it, I may just take Arkansas up on that offer about him moving out here. With the only condition being that he saves up all the money needed for the move and 3-4 months rent first. So he could hopefully be out here by October?? Dunno that will be entirely up to him. But I do think just before we leave California he should get a new car.

Little Time Line

-save money (start now)

-save money

-Arkansas Moves to California (6/14-12/14)

-HOORAY (5 ever)

-Save Money

-I Get a Newer Car(12/14-2/15)

-Save Money

-Save Money

-Keep Going!

-Move Out of State With Awesome Boyfran! (2/16-5/16)

And I think that’s a pretty decent amount of time for those things to take place…ideally.

Filed under life decisions California Arkansas dearest change cars boyfriend different new things scare me mang working this is a lot of hashtags mum parents advice wisdom learning

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February 24th, 2014

My love has gone home. My bed feels much too empty for comfort.

How exactly did I get from hopeless loveless jumbled up mess, to tripping over myself in love with someone that meshes so well with me!?

I made a list of pro’s and con’s about Arkansas and the pro’s list was much bigger not to mention half the things on the con’s list are just petty little things that aren’t really a bit deal.

Moral of the story, my boyfriend is a human, but he is a fucking awesome human.

I had an amazing time while he was out here. Every moment with him just felt right, even in during not so pleasant times. I finally felt like a whole person, as if with him by my side I could do anything. I guess at this point all I’m really doing is rephrasing corny chick flicks.

Regardless, I  am for the first time starting to feel like a whole person. Arkansas picks up where my character traits fall short and he helps me to be the best person I can be. As individuals we are pretty cool but together…we are fucking bitchin!

Hopefully we can put an end to this distance soon. It has only been 1 day and I miss him all too much.

Filed under new 20 my love arkansas feels emotions chick flicks complete too far away miss you bed lists pro's con's human awesome moral

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February 8th, 2014

So, my boyfriend will be in town in 3 days. My parents leave town tomorrow for about a week. AAAANNNDDD my house is finally…FINALLY, looking clean and beautiful. Not to mention my birthday is coming up.

Yup! The big 20. Guess it really isn’t that big of a birthday but I feel like it’s quite a milestone for me. I’m hoping to spend this year keeping my home and mind free of dust as well as save as much money as possible so come the end of the year I can hopefully have enough for a decent down payment on a new car. Let’s go Subaru!

I really would like a Subaru though.

I need to start writing some more lists tomorrow to be sure I got everything I needed to done. Grocery shopping is probably something I can do on the way home from work later this week if I need to.

I’m really just looking foreword to coming home from work and giving Arkansas a big ol’ kiss. That and Disneyland, because come on who doesn’t look foreword to Disneyland!??


Anyway, I feel very…together. Which is very off for me but I can hardly express the difference some cleanliness in my house makes. It’s like a whole new building, a place I can actually live and not stress in. I completely rearranged my room as well so it’s functional as well as relaxing. Now I suppose I’ll just need to go to work for the next 3 days and  patiently wait for that 11pm flight to get in so I can REALLY relax and feel at home.

Let me tell ya, I am one lucky gal.

Filed under personal life boyfriend parents house clean cleaning purge birthday 20 new car making plans Subaru shopping cooking disneyland Arkansas love